


a group chat (for funzies)

by haikyuuliberos



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY PLS, M/M, but its fun to read i think???, chatfic, elite training camp, honestly this is such a disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8627383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haikyuuliberos/pseuds/haikyuuliberos
Summary: Miya starts the group chat.Hoshiumi spams.Komori memes.Sakusa is distraught.Kageyama is confused.Chigaya is suffering.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i pooped this out in like 30 minutes
> 
> i dont know what i have to say for myself

_ 11:23 PM _

 

**Miyatsumu** _ started a new conversation. _

**Miyatsumu** _ added  _ **K0M0R1** _ and  _ **Hoshiuuumi** _ to the conversation. _

 

**Miyatsumu:** sup kiddos

**K0M0R1** : what is this

**Hoshiuuumi** : wht do u think

**Miyatsumu** : a group chat!  For funzies!

**K0M0R1:** hoshiumi i dont need ur salt

**Hoshiuuumi:** l o l

**Miyatsumu:** ya if u guys wanna add ppl go for it

 

**K0M0R1** _ added  _ **Sakusa_kyoomi** _ to the conversation _ .

 

**Miyastumu:** does anyone have tobio’s user

**Hoshiuuumi** : “tobio” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Miyatsumu:** i s2g

**K0M0R1:** no flirting in the gm

**Miyatsumu:** HE ISNT EVEN HERE

**Hoshiuuumi:** no flirting in the gm

**Miyatsumu:** ITS NOT FLIRTING

 

_ 11:31 _

 

**Miyatsumu** _ added  _ **Kageyama-T** _ to the conversation _ .

 

**K0M0R1:** oh u found him.. hmmm….

**Miyatsumu:** i just looked up “Kageyama Tobio”

**Hoshiuuumi:** thats creepy af

**Hoshiuuumi:** fuckin pervert

**Miyatsumu:** leavE ME ALONE YOU GREMLIN

**Hoshiuuumi:** I CAN BITCH SLAP YO STUPID WHENEVER I WATN

**K0M0R1:** fight fight fight

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** What is this?

**K0M0R1:** Kyoomi! :D

**K0M0R1:** it’s a gm 

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** I have no interest in being a part of this.

**Miyatsumu:** awww kyoomi-kun dont be a party pooper c;

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** I don’t appreciate being called ‘Kyoomi-kun’

**Kageyama-T:** what is this

**Hoshiuuumi:** i s2g the next time someone asks that question im going to stab my eyes out

**Miyatsumu:** do it u wont

**K0M0R1:** ^

**Miyastsumu:** whos laughing now

**Hoshiuuumi:** fuck u

 

**Kageyama-T** _ added  _ **EChigaya** _ to the conversation. _

 

**Hoshiuuumi:** who is tht

**K0M0R1:** hes that middle blocker

**Hoshiuuumi:** o

**Kageyama-T:** so… are we exchanging tactics or?

**Sakusa-kyoomi:** I am not exchanging my tactics with anyone.

**Miyatsumu:** FOR CHRISTS SAKE TOBIO

**Miyatsumu:** IM IN TEARS

**Hoshiuuumi:** HAHA

**K0M0R1:** ah yes Kyoomi what information do you have to offer

**Sakusa-kyoomi:** Motoya, I feel betrayed that you would suggest something as such.  The fact that you would even consider offering our team’s skills up to rivals is troubling.

**Miyatsumu:** im cryign

**K0M0R1:** Kyoomi i would never :-)!  Just a joke

**Sakusa-kyoomi:** ...

**K0M0R1:** will you forgive me if i clean ur bed sheets for you

**K0M0R1:** ik u think theyre full of germs ill do it for u

**Sakusa-kyoomi:** yes.

**Hoshiuuumi:** HHAHAHSFKDJFSLK;FJS; 

**Hoshiuuumi:** ‘clean ur bed sheets’ im ddying 

**Hoshiuuumi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Kageyama-T:** what is that face

**Hoshiuuumi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**EChigaya:** hey?

**Miyatsumu:** yaaaaa hellooooo

**EChigaya:** this is certainly… interesting

**Kageyama-T:** i dont get the point of it if its not going 2 b abt volleyball

**Miyatsumu:** tobio its just to have a good time

**Hoshiuuumi:** a ‘good time’? 

**K0M0R1:** hoshiumi nO

**Hoshiuuumi:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Miyatsumu:** next time u send that face im leaving my room and going to beat u

**Hoshiuumi:** kewl

 

**Miyatsumu** _ changed the conversation avatar. _

 

**K0M0R1:** OH MY GOD

**EChigaya:** oh my god

**Hoshiuuumi:** WHERE DI YOU GET THAT

**Miyatsumu:** u sent it to me dumbass

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** Hoshiumi, how did you get so many chins.

**Hoshiuuumi:** ITS A SECRET TALENT OF MINE

**Hoshiuuumi:** I DONT NEED 2 BE EXPOSED LKE THIS

**Kageyama-T:** im goin 2 bed

**EChigaya:** me too

**K0M0R1:** gucci idea

**Miyatsumu:** i forbid the use of “gucci” in the gm

**K0M0R1:** gucci

**Miyatsumu:** bye

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** I need to be in the highest possible shape to perform for tomorrow’s activities, so I too am going to bed.

**Hoshiuuumi:** sleep is for the weak hAHA

 

_ 11:56 PM  _

**K0M0R1:** he fell asleep

 

**Miyatsumu** _ changed  _ **Hoshiuuumi** _ ’s name to  _ **Half pint** _. _

 

_ 6:34 AM _

**Half pint:** EXCUSE THE FUCK ME

**Half pint:** I M FUCKING 

**Kageyama-T:** arent most peepl asleep rite now

**EChigaya:** who knows

**Half pint:** THIS CALLS FOR REVENGE

**EChigaya:** oh no..

 

**Half pint** _ changed  _ **Miyatsumu** _ ’s name to  _ **Daddy** _. _

 

**Kageyama-T:** ...daddy?

**EChigaya:** oh myy god

**K0M0R1:** im scarred

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** Miya is in no shape to be a father.

**Half pint:** WHAT A SAVAGE

**Half pint:** HHAHAHAAH

**K0M0R1:** ^^

**Daddy:** yall need to chill wtf is going on

**Daddy:** WTF OMH GOD HAHAHA

**Daddy:** WHY AM I DADDY NOW LMAOOOO

**Half pint:** what do u mean ‘lmaoooo’

**Daddy:** THATS HILARIUS

**Half pint:** wtf  n o  thats not how its supposed to wrk!!

**Half pint:** ur supposed to be mad!!!!!

**Daddy:** cant say i am ;))))

**K0M0R1:** thats my cue to go get breakfast

**EChigaya:** me too

**Daddy:** BYE KIDS I LOVE YOU ;))

**Sakusa_kyoomi:** where is the ability to leave the group message?

**Daddy:** there is no escape

 

_ 10:16 PM _

 

**Sakusa_kyoomi** _ changed their name to  _ **NYOOMI** _. _

 

**NYOOMI:** hi im Sakusa Kyoomi and im really fucking gay

**Daddy:** wWHAT THE FUCK

**Daddy:** ADJFKLSDJFS HAHAHAHAHA

**Kageyama-T:** um

**K0M0R1:** ….Kyoomi?

**EChigaya:** oh my god

 

**NYOOMI** _ changed the conversation avatar. _

 

**Daddy:** IMS CREAMIGN SAKSUA AWHAT THE FUCK

**K0M0R1:** Kyoomi where tf are you

**EChigaya:** OH NO

**Kageyama-T:** what are those things

**Daddy:** dicks

**Kageyama-T:** what

**Daddy:** what

**EChigaya:** just drawings though, Kageyama.  Theyre not real

**Daddy:** we hope

 

**NYOOMI** _ changed  _ **Kageyama-T** _ ’s name to  _ **SWAGEYAMA** _. _

 

**K0M0R1:** KYOOMI WHERE ARE YOU?!

**Daddy:** someone’s protective hmMMMMMM

**Daddy:** MHMMMMM

**SWAGEYAMA:** why is this my name

**EChigaya:** it’s pretty funny

 

**SWAGEYAMA** _ changed  _ **EChigaya** _ ’s name to  _ **Broccoli** _. _

 

**Daddy:** BROCCOLI IMS CLSDKJFLSD

**Daddy:** I CANT TAKE THIS NAYMORE

**Broccoli:** Kageyama why

**SWAGEYAMA:** idk i just always cal u that in my head and i kept getting confused abt ur name

**Broccoli:** idk how to respond to that if im being honest

**Daddy:** i just heard a yell wtf

**K0M0R1:** did it sound like a mixture of a hissing cat and an upset 18 year old wearing a face mask

**Daddy:** that is oddly specific but yes

**K0M0R1:** that is Kyoomi 

**K0M0R1:** where r u rn?

**Daddy:** im walking down the south hallway

**K0M0R1:** ty

 

_ 10:42 PM _

 

**NYOOMI:** Hoshiumi, I do not appreciate you taking my phone and messing around in this group chat.  It is quite embarrassing and the group avatar picture is disturbing.  I would never do such a thing.  Also, I had to have Motoya sanitize my phone for me.

**K0M0R1:** Dont worry Kyoomi it wasn’t as bad as you think!!  And i dont mind :p

**Daddy:** it was fcking hilarious

**Broccoli:** it was entertaining

**NYOOMI:** I expect an apology.

**SWAGEYAMA:** he’s sleeping

**NYOOMI:** Wake him up.

**Daddy:** LMAO NO CHILL

**SWAGEYAMA:** hes scary when hes mad 

**Broccoli:** okay true though

**Half pint:** jeez im sorry

**NYOOMI:** you don’t sound like it.

**Half pint:** shit ur right becUZ IT WAS HILAROIUS HAHAHAHAH

**NYOOMI:** You made the group avatar a picture of me looking like I was doing something to a male reproductive organ.

**Half pint:** okay but it was funny

**Daddy:** he has a point^

**K0M0R1:** Kyoomi he’s sorry

**NYOOMI:** really?

**K0M0R1:** Yup!! :-)

**Daddy:** komori ur such a good bf

**K0M0R1:** bf?

**Half pint:** boyfriend

**K0M0R1:** um

**NYOOMI:** Who’s boyfriend is he?  He better not be anyone’s boyfriend.

**Daddy:** waIT WHAT IS HAPPENING

**Daddy:** IM DYI NG

**Broccoli:** oh dear

**SWAGEYAMA:** im confused

**Half pint:** IM FUKCING CHKOGNG

**Daddy:** wait aren’t you two dating??!?!????

**K0M0R1:** uhh no?  No offense, Kyoomi, but???

**NYOOMI:** I don’t think so.

**Half pint:** KYOOMI ISNT EVEN SURE IM SDLFKJSDL;

**K0M0R1:** did you guys think we were dating?

**Daddy:** yeah

**Half pint:** ye

**Broccoli:** ^

**SWAGEYAMA:** yes

**K0M0R1:** uh

**NYOOMI:** We are not dating right now, but I’m not opposed to the idea of me and Motoya being in a relationship together.

**K0M0R1:** brb 

**Daddy:** sakusa u r the reason i live i am dying

**Broccoli:** isn’t that contradictory?

**Daddy:** yk what i mean

**SWAGEYAMA:** wait so they arent dating

**Half pint:** u r really behind

**Daddy:** leave tobio alone 

**Daddy:** he’s trying

**Half pint:** omfg

**Half pint:** i think komori died

**NYOOMI:** why do you think that?

**Daddy:** well he hasn’t been responding for the past few minutes

**Daddy:** and u basically said u wouldnt mind dating him i mean

**NYOOMI:** my intention was not to harm him, though?

**Half pint:** gdi


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy added OFucker69 to the conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the nsfw level of this fic shoots up by like 10000000%, also i literally shit this out between study sessions because i was bored and needed a good laugh also its like 2 words long forgive me father
> 
> dont take any of this seriously. please literally dont. its all a joke

**Half pint:** i miss you guys!!

**Daddy:** miss you too bb <333

**Half pint:** except you Miya

**Daddy:** okay what hte fuck

**Broccoli:** it’s only been a week i think

**Half pint:** it’s been too long

**K0M0R1:** a week??

**Half pint:** t o o  l o n g 

**NYOOMI:** we will see each other at nationals soon.

**SWAGeyama:** NATIONALS

**Daddy:** HELL YEAH

**Broccoli:** not me but it’s fine :)))))))))))

**K0M0R1:** oh yeah!  Sorry chigaya :(

**Broccoli:** it’s all good aha

**Half pint:** miya stop sending me dick pics u fuckass

**Daddy:** then why do you keep asking me for them

**K0M0R1:** roasted

**Broccoli:** oh my gdo

**SWAGeyama:** gross

**Daddy:** im hurt, tobio

**NYOOMI:** pictures of ‘dicks’ have nothing to do with volleyball.

**Half pint:** sakusa when have we ever talked about volleyball in this chat

**Broccoli:** like once??

**K0M0R1:** twice i think

**Daddy:** LOVE ME

**Half pint:** no

**Daddy:** fine, then i’ll just add my main fuckboy to even out the teams

**K0M0R1:** WE ALREADY HAD THIS DISCUSSION NO ADDING PEOPLE

 

**Daddy** _ added  _ **OFucker69** _ to the conversation. _

 

**Broccoli:** ...hello?

 

**OFucker69** _ left the conversation. _

**Daddy** _ added  _ **OFucker69** _ to the conversation. _

**OFucker69** _ left the conversation. _

 

**Daddy:** BITCH STOP PLAYING

 

**Daddy** _ added  _ **OFucker69** _ to the conversation. _

 

**K0M0R1:** STOP

**Half pint:** stoP IT

**OFucker69:** at least let me change my name

 

**OFucker69** _ changed their name to  _ **OMiya**

 

**OMiya:** there

**Half pint:** FUCK OUTTA HERE 

**Half pint:** LITERALLY GET STRAIGHT THE FUCK OUT I CAN’T DEAL WITH ONE OF YOU WE DONT NEED ANOTHER

**OMiya:** dw, im not as bad as Atsumu

**Daddy:** fck u

**SWAGeyama:** im so confused rn

**K0M0R1:** same, but i think…

**Daddy:** everyone meet my brother, Osamu!

**SWAGeyama:** wait a minute

**SWAGeyama:** so you’re not actually Miya

**Daddy:** im miya ATSUMU, that is miya OSAMU

**OMiya:** hola

**OMiya:** im not a little bitch like atsumu i promise

 

 **Daddy** _changed_ **OMiya** _‘s name to_ **Mommy**

 

**Half pint:** THATS INCEST FCU K ST OP

**K0M0R1:** i need to leave immediately

**Daddy:** incest is wincest

**Mommy:** *** twincest

**Broccoli:** what in the fuck

**K0M0R1:** ^^^^^

**SWAGeyama:** ^

**NYOOMI:** ^^

 

**Mommy** _ changed their name to  _ **MamaMiya**

 

**K0M0R1:** i dont know if that’s worse or better

**NYOOM:** where is the leave button?

**K0M0R1:** dont leave me kyoomi ;-;

**Daddy:** osamu those two are dating

**Half pint:** hsa HAHAHSDKFSDJ:

**K0M0R1:** miya!!!

**K0M0R1:** i mean - atsumu!!!!!

**K0M0R1:** fuck this is confusing

**NYOOMI:** we are?

**Half pint:** ch rsiT

**Half pint:** for the fifth time

**SWAGeyama:** Miya Osamu what position do you play

**MamaMiya:** im a wing spiker

**Daddy:** and that is lovely tobio-kun *o*

**MamaMiya:** o the one u want to date

**Half pint:** called out

**Half pint:** sla m m e d

**Daddy:** OSAMU FUCKOUF U

**SWAGeyama:** what

**Broccoli:** hi im Chigaya!

**K0M0R1:** that subject change tho

**SWAGeyama:** this is my boyfriend!!!  Hinata shoyou!!!! <33333 xxxxxxx

 

**SWAGeyama** _ sent a photo in the chat _ .

 

**Daddy:** boyfriend?

**Half pint:** wait ufcuk

**K0M0R1:** is it bad that im laughing

**MamaMiya:** no

**MamaMiya:** im dying

**SWAGeyama:** KJf sjkfsl;dfj sfjkkdsfjdskfj 

 

**Daddy** _ has left the conversation. _

 

**Half pint:** THE DEMON IS GONE

**Half pint:** IM SCREAMIGN

**K0M0R1:** OH mY GOD THIS IS LEGIT

**MamaMiya:** jfc brb

**SWAGeyama:** WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

**Broccoli:** idk you tell us

**SWAGeyama:** one of my senpais took my phone and started playing on it

**K0M0R1:** ‘playing’

**K0M0R1:** he said u were dating that one kid

**SWAGeyama:** what kid

**SWAGeyama:** EW ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT ORANGE HAIRED KID

**SWAGeyama:** WHAT THE FUCK SUGA-SAN I TRUSTED YOU

**Half pint:** omfg fuckin disaster

**K0M0R1:** so he’s not your boyfriend??

**SWAGeyama:** NO

**SWAGeyama:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Broccoli:** well thats settled then

**MamaMiya:** ill add him back

 

**MamaMiya** _ added  _ **AMiya** _ to the conversation _ .

 

**Half pint:** wow that was a fast name change

**Half pint:** im still laughing he lp

**K0M0R1:** me too a little bit

**NYOOMI:** im still a little confused

**K0M0R1:** i’ll catch you up later

**AMiya:** why did you add me back?

**MamaMiya:** dude

**MamaMiya:** kageyama are you dating that kid??

**SWAGeyama:** NO WHAT THE HECK I ALREADY SAID THIS

**SWAGeyama:** my senior took my phone and texted you guys!!!!  That dude is my teammate but i would never date him what the hell!!!

**AMiya:** wait, really?

**SWAGeyama:** yeah he’s so loud and annoying christ 

 

**AMiya** _ changed their name to  _ **Daddy** .

 

**Half pint:** HES BACK AHAHASKDFJSDLKF

**Half pint:** rather fuckass Miya than mopey Miya

**Half pint:** ***Atsumu

**K0M0R1:** daddy’s back

**MamaMiya:** i fixed him

**Daddy:** missed you guys!

**Broccoli:** no offense but i was like 2 minutes

**SWAGeyama:** 2 minutes is a long time

**K0M0R1:** did Kageyama just crack off a joke???? Shook

**Half pint:** shook

**Half pint:** JINX

**Daddy:** i laughed

**MamaMiya:** he did

**Daddy:** we’re sitting right next to each other

 

**MamaMiya** _ sent a photo in the conversation _ .

 

**Half pint:** hot!

**MamaMiya:** double double toil and trouble - shakespeare

**NYOOMI:** well, at least he’s well versed.

**Half pint:** savagery

**SWAGeyama:** you look identical

**SWAGeyama:** except the hair

**Broccoli:** kageyama, they ARE twins

**SWAGeyama:** blonde is better though

**Daddy:** i dont know whether to be happy or offended right now

**MamaMiya:** lol

**Daddy:** Kageyama which one am i

**SWAGeyama:** the blonde

**SWAGeyama:** it was a compliment

**Half pint:** a bad one at that LOL

**K0M0R1:** he’s trying leave him alone

**Daddy:** im touched

**MamaMiya:** he’s touched

**Half pint:** SHOOK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @haikyuuliberos

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry
> 
> (im just keeping this a oneshot for now, but if you guys would like a continuation of this mess (or if you have ideas) lmk in the comments)
> 
> hmu on  tumblr 


End file.
